This is mildly amusing. Lots of homophobic creationist propoganda, two of my pet hates. Its kind of hilarious that people actually believe this shit. I was intrigued by the page entitled How evolution impairs your ability to think. The author tries to argue that belief in evolution requires an invalid argument form called affirming the consequent, using a rather disturbing argument involving stepping on cats tails. He's right it's an invalid deductive argument form, but seems to forget that no scientist claims to be using deductive logic in this case. He sort of glosses over any reference to inductive reasoning, while using it several times himself. Basically his conclusion is that inductive reasoning is deductively invalid. No shit.I find it hard to accept that he actually believes what he's writing. Oh, and what the genius writes on homosexuality: This explains a lot really.

I love this girl

im disgusting, fat and pathetic!
and always will be

end off x

was freezing in the office, like, shaking and cold. checked the thermostat. It's 70 fucking degrees.

Either the heater's broken (possible) or I'm not as great as I thought I was. Sitting in the office with my jacket on and my glasses on looking angry, anorexic, and dorky.

My life is a shitshow. I realize this. Why can't I get it under control?

So today my sister found and read my diary.
She read the last page which talks about my cutting and suicide attempts/thoughts.
she showed it to my other sister.
who rang me and met me in a carpark...locked me in her car and confronted me.
My sister asked me who ana was...i told her she was made up and she looked at me as if i had just told her that i saw little green people.
then my other sister said
'well its not as if your anorexic you eat sometimes'...ha that said it all. i nearly screamed.
There booking me a doctors appointment tommorow.
im so scared im not going to say anything about ana...just my depression and self harm.
that i can handle i was doing that anyway.
i now feel the need to lose as much as possible in the next couple of weeks so that the doctor doesn't look at me if ana comes out in our conversation and he weighs me.
he is going to think im disgusting and fat...and a lier!

to top this all off ive eaten sooo much today im disgusting. only had 4 lax left..however they started working pretty quick.
As strange as this sounds i don't want to lose this..i need ana. i don't know anything else.
And i refuse to get FATTER!!!!

So i am now on a strict 300cal meal plan that will hopefully fool my family into thinking i eat. if not they bought the secret out i will just refuse to eat.

NO BREAKFAST...

SNACK- Small apple or 2 small oranges. or a rice cake. 30-50cals

DINNER- Weight watchers soup or slim-a-soup. 50 cals or 80-100cals

TEA- Veggies with sauce,stir fry or soup. 28-200cals

SNACK- Apple or oranges. or rice cake.


Please lord save me from myself.
x

Lost i tread the dead ground beneath my feet and weep,
weep for hope lost, pain found,tears not fully cried,
the water runs dry from my eyes,
and i slowly crumble like the fallen autumn leaves,
that left the saftey of the tree and now like me lie broken,
lost in the abise of fear, pain, solitude.

Will i ever smile again,
or sip from earths sweet wine,
or learn to love anyone but you my dear, my Angel.
You cast me from you into love's lonely purgatory,
and i a motherless child must know learn to walk.

Walk away from your love,
we laid upon the earth like children always searching always learning,
day by day we fed upon each others thoughts, teachings, lessons, emotions.
we dared to believe, together.
And i a tortured soul let down my guard and took your hand in faith,
that you would bring me back to life my love.

But you have betrayed me, my life, my all,
i alone tasted the sweet forbidden fruit,
the heated flames crawled against my skin in ectasy,
you watched me burn,
you saw me die,
you plunged me into darkness.

And now I, your love, your soul, your all,
am like dirt upon your feet,
a sin against your name,
a curse among your heart,
was it my fault?
was i too loud, too loving, too intense,
too much,
infatuation lost...you left me,
and now my cast off soul has departed,
burn't by the flames of hell,

I the empty vesel of blood and flesh am left,
never to feel, never to heal,
my ragged breath scrape along my heart with thoughts of you,
your face is all i see,
your kisses all i taste,
all of them tainted with your hate,
turn to ash in my stomach,
and i am left to choke upon our once everlasting love.

why in blackened nightmares do i scream your name,
or long for your arms with all my heart,
you have killed me,
yet i still love you so.

if my pain is what you wan't, then you win,
i surrender my all, my heart, my dreams,
everything i have is yours now my love,
if my pain brings you pleasure,
then for your pleasure i sacrifice my soul,
enjoy my love and remember that pleasure you hold so dear comes from me,

Once your everything.
Goodnight my sweet prince..my everlasting kisses carress your lips.

x

lost in the darkness i cry,
the tearless sobs break from my chest,
and cascade into the abise,
numbness takes hold,
and i am left...alone.
the endless strife of life lays before me,
and i alone perish within the walls of my broken state.

if life were kind i may find the strength to live,
but alas the frequent solitude,
which entraps my soul reeps on,
till the heart beats slow,
the eyes once the gateway to my soul dry up,
life ceases pleasure,
depression takes hold,
i am lost,
alone and scared i plea for mercy,
for strength,
for dreams.

no more do i feel the warm pleasure of the sun,
no more taste the sweet wine of life's treasure,
my heart beats dry,
my veins shrived up,
no pleasure,
pain is all i feel know.

Death seems sweet,
seems peaceful and quiet,
yet lifes great hold and loved one's pain of lose,
keeps me here in hell,
in torment of thine own soul,
and i alone perish within this lifeless vesel of flesh and bone.

i long for deaths sweet bitterness,
for drops of tears upon my cheek,
why in life do i not feel,
why can i not escape this pain,
why does deaths sweet freedom escape me,
and leave me still alive, still in pain.

if i lifes toy must suffer,
and choke upon life's lonely street,
let it be,
if in deaths sweet grace i cannot fly,
then i love's lost soul must perish,
my soul cast forth,
to burn upon the firey pergutory between life and death.

i cannot fly,
nor leave this fallen state,
i must not cry,
nor curse my eternal hell,
for i must stand alone in life,
and reep this torturous pain,
never to feel hope, nor peace, nor dreams,
no life for me fully lived.

x