stepstomarrow
When granddaughter, Jada, was born with leukemia, a donor-match was located and Jada made a miraculous recovery. In honor of her grandaughter's health, Jeanna has decided to walk across the country (in the dead of winter) to raise awareness and build support for the bone marrow registry (all that's required is a cheek swab). Follow Jeanna's remarkable journey as she travels the United States by foot.

I am not sure when I got 'accepted' into this community, but I havn't been on Livejournal for a while and only re-visited it today. Anyway, I really am having great difficulty with my sexuality. I believe that I am bisexual, more sure than I ever have been. I'm currently 17, very soon to be 18 and have literally been obsessed with this one girl ever since I met her really. This obsession seems to have got worse over the years, and I don't think it's love, but I don't think it's infatuation either.. somewhere in the middle. I don't think I can classify myself as straight.. I mean, all my friends I believe are, and i'm pretty sure that none of them have ever once questioned their sexuality. I am aware that it's normal for people my age to wonder, but this is beyond that. I fantasize about women more than I do men. To be honest, at the moment men don't hold any attraction for me. I can't tell anybody about this, so I have to vent somewhere where anonymous people can help me. I go to an all girls school, which makes this even worse. They are against and mock lesbians/bisexuals so it would never be something that I could just 'come out' with. I could not even contemplate telling my parents out of embaressment and really my own fear. How does one know if they truly are gay/bi? To be honest I don't really know, but as I say, I am more sure that I am. Surely if one questions it so much they cannot be straight? And this one girl.. I can't even explain. She is gorgeous, funny, intelligent.. I sound pathetic! Yet, I can't help it. I always want to be around her, always want to be with her. Does this mean I am bisexual? I don't seem to 'fancy' any other girls; when i'm out I never really pay any attention to them. I think I fancy and have great admiration for particular actresses, and there was this one women who was a friend of my mothers who I found extremely attractive - partly her looks, partly her mind and intelligence.
I don't know why i'm posting this.. I guess I just need support, answers, I don't really know?

I've posted a few myths here before, but this post is different.

What is your favorite (or least favorite) myth about bisexuals? AND do you think there is any truth to the myth(s) you chose?

Probably my favorite myth is that bisexuals will have sex with anything. It's terrible for the community, but I also think it's quite funny since I'm much picker about my partners than most of my monosexual friends.

And my least favorite myth is that bisexuals cannot be monogamous and have to date both a man and a woman. I hate that myth because I think it's a load of bull, but here I am, dating a man and a woman. =(

What about you guys?

I'm sure you've all heard of gaydar--the ability/talent/something to tell when a person, especially a stranger, is gay.

A gay friend of mine asked me earlier if bidar exists. Do bisexuals give off vibes like gay people do, that can be picked up on a radar?

Personally, I think so. To prove it, I told him our waitress was probably bi, and we asked her later (she was really cool) and I was right. It was fun. =D

What about you? Are you good at guessing when people are bi?

Dyke, faggot, fag, carpet-muncher, fudge-packer, pillow-biter, etc. These are bad words that, if you're like me, when you hear a straight person say 'um you turn red with anger.

But what about when we say them? When I call myself a prettyboy-dyke and when Curve magazine has an article about Dyke-drama? Like nigger, it's "okay" for us to say it as long as we're part of the community so my questions are thus:

1. Do you use this language?
2. Why/why not?
3. Do you feel bisexuals have the "clout" to say these words since technically we are neither 100% "fags" or "dykes"?

Discuss.

taste_buds
Holidays provide a built-in excuse for indulgent entertaining. This all-purpose foodie community covers everything from homemade hangover cures to dinner party menus. Need quick advice? Get five-minute snack suggestions, low-fat ingredient substitutes, and even measurement conversions. Delicious recipes garnished with humorous advice. Yum.

naturesbeauty
Always on the lookout for compelling images, we were delighted to discover this flourishing community of artists who share a love of nature. Honoring the subject with photographs, paintings, sketches, prose, poetry, and other creative works, you'll be simultaneously riveted to your monitor and inspired to run helter skelter towards the nearest wooded dale.

I've heard 2 arguments concerning the use of dildos in girl/girl relationships (I hesitate to say "lesbian" because your sexuality doesn't suddenly change when you're with someone--you don't have to be a lesbian to sleep with girls).

The first argument is that dildos are stupid. Part of being with a girl is not having a phallus so using one is reinforcing heteronormative concepts of what sex constitutes.

The second argument is that dildos are just another way to make your partner feel good.

Thoughts?

backpacking
Want to embrace your wanderlust on the cheap? If you're tall on adventurous spirit, but short on funds, this community can help you plan a trip to anywhere. Offering plentiful tips on how to travel light, you can post about bargain hotels and hostels if you're into urban exploration or discuss camping gear and mosquito netting for the great outdoors. Hitch your backpack, pitch your tent, and carpe diem!

This ties in with two entries, the Emotional Fidelity one and my Jerkin Off one. It's a really quick question but are celebrity crushes okay even if you're with somebody? I'm not talking like posters of them everywhere and you wank off to them every night but thinking someone's cute/hot. I think that's natural.

I mean, like we talked about with the masturbation one, as long as the fantasies don't get better than what is actually happening I think it's okay.

I'm really sorry if this is too much like my previous post :(

-sigh-

Don't know why I'm even posting this, maybe it's dumb but I just want some reassurance (or other opinions).



Poll #1496953
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 48

Are Celebrity Crushes Okay When You're Not Single?

A recent post in this community got me thinking. If you're tired of talking about this, that's fine, but I was just wondering and wanting to put it in broader terms. =D

Consider men who are gay-for-pay. They identify as straight, but participate in gay porn. And women who will kiss and have sex with other women, to attract men.

What does it mean to be a "real" bisexual?

_{P.S. Is anyone else not getting emails/alerts from LJ recently?}

Hi. This is my first post here, but I'm scouting out ideas - and could use some help.
Here's my situation:

I am in a polyamorous relationship with a man that I'll call Spider. Spider and I finally acknowledged our mutual feelings for each other at the end of the summer, and have been in a committed relationship since September. He identifies himself as polyamorous (meaning he is used to having a primary/secondary/etc. and seeing multiple people at the same time) and I identify myself as monogamous (and bisexual, just to clarify), meaning I only see one person at a time. However, I am beginning to entertain the notion of also seeing other people, and am considering that.

In October, Spider made me his primary - meaning he is committed long-term to me and doesn't plan on going anywhere or having that change. However, along with that he asked me for a list of rules that I could give him about what he is allowed to do with other women. So far he has only gone on one date with another woman - lets call her Phoenix, and they didn't do anything physical. They just had dinner and talked. I find myself uncomfortable with the idea of him having sexual intercourse with other women, but I am also not completely opposed to it. This is his lifestyle, and I am free to leave if i should choose to do so.

But he asked for rules. So far this is what I've come up with (along with the basic sexual safety rules, which we both know):

I want to know beforehand what your "intentions" are, if you have any. Do you plan to just get to know them better or sleep with them?
I want to know afterwards what happened. Did you just have a date with them, kiss them, or sleep with them? If you slept with them, was it a one time thing or do you plan to have it happen again?
If you have sex at your place in your bed - could you wash the sheets before I spend the night there?
I take priority at dances.
I would like to meet them.
Contact me in some way when you get home, just to check in.
As for now, I'm comfortable with you spending the night (sleeping over) at other people's houses, but if that is the plan - please let me know in advance, so I don't wait up for you to contact me.
If you become serious about them - making them a secondary (or whatever), I'd like to know.
I would like them to be aware of me, and our relationship.
If I ask for details, I expect honest full disclosure (obviously - and you're good at this, so this doesn't even really matter), but otherwise - I am satisfied with the basics.


Can any of you come up with anything else that I should potentially add to my list? What are your rules/expectations for your significant other? Is anyone else out there poly who knows what they consider appropriate? I just find myself in a completely and utterly new situation for me with no idea of how to handle it or what to say. And this guy is REALLY important to me, so I want to figure things out on my end.

I'm just looking for some thoughts on emotional fidelity. When most people think of cheating, they think of physical, namely sexual, actions that are outside the barriers set by existing relationships.

Can cheating exist without anything sexual?

Assuming your partner doesn't kiss or inappropriately touch another person, but is emotionally intimate with someone you either don't know about or you don't know the depth of their relationship, can it be cheating? Would you be comfortable with your partner being emotionally intimate with someone, to the same extent or more than they are with you?

Is it cheating if it isn't physical?

And if you think it is possible, does the cheating have to line up with sexual orientation? For example, can a straight man commit emotional infidelity with another man?

If so, does that put bisexuals at a higher risk of committing emotional infidelity?

In this community, some of us really emphasize the emotional aspect of relationships, so I was just curious. =D Thanks for your time.

Hello!
I'm fairly new (I know I've commented on a few things, but that's about it). I'll start by telling you a little bit about myself.
My name is Amelia, and I'm a 21-year-old from Wisconsin. I grew up in a very strict Catholic home, and I was always taught that being gay was a phase, a choice, and completely inexcusable. I certainly had a few gay friends in high school, but I always made a point to never really let my parents know that was the case. I think I was about 16 when I had my first dream about a girl, and I was mortified. I pushed it out of my mind as something that had only been a dream. As I got older feelings towards friends of mine started to surface, and I was uncomfortable. I moved away from my family for college and decided that the Catholic church was not at all right for me. Around this time, my boyfriend (now my fiancé) began to suggest that perhaps I was bisexual. I dismissed his claims at first, writing them of as "wishful thinking" on his part. Over time though, I thought more about what he had said, and I really began to think he was right. In my second semester of freshman year, I officially "came out" as bisexual, but only to a few close people. I am fairly open about it with my friends now, but my parents still do not know. I considered telling them over the summer, until my father and I had yet another discussion about religion, and he told me that gay people do not deserve to be loved. At this point I was already engaged to a man, and felt that it wasn't worth it to get into something that honestly doesn't affect them.
I have made out with a few women (with my boyfriends permission), but I have never had a sexual relationship with a woman. I don't necessarily think it's a precondition for being bisexual. Many people know they are straight before they have ever had any sexual experience, so why would being bi be any different? I'm attracted to women, but I am in a stable and fairly monogamous relationship (after coming out, my boyfriend and I discussed it, and he felt that it was all right for me to experiment if I needed too. He didn't want to break off our relationship because things were really good, but he understood that it was a transitional phase in my life).

So here's the thing:
I'm getting married in 6 months to a wonderful man. I love him to death. But I'm still attracted to women. Do I simply write this off? I mean, I suppose there are people out there who are married and still find other people attractive, but choose to be with their partner. My problem is that I don't seem to find men attractive. I feel like women are a whole different category for me. They aren't the same as men. I don't think I want to be married and have a girlfriend on the side, because that wouldn't be good for anyone. But I also am not really a fan of one night stands either. I've never had one with a man, and I don't want to have one with a woman. Lest someone get confused here, I am completely sexually attracted to my fiancé. Without being too graphic, I will say that the sex is AMAZING. But sometimes I really want to be with a woman. I feel like they have something very different to offer. I am not looking for a hard and fast answer, as I know I'm the only one that can come up with that, but what are your thoughts on the situation?

Thanks in advance!

Hi there. Yep, another new face coming out to introduce herself, and to ask a question or two. First, the obligatory "how bi am I" explanation. ;)

I'm 39 and for most of my teen/adult life I've identified myself as straight. Not because I was positive of it, but because I was raised in a small Australian country town and to be gay or bisexual was unheard of. I did, however, have dreams about having sex with women sometimes and when I started having sex myself, I discovered that the penis didn't really do it for me. I also had a very tomboyish attitude, got out with guys better than girls as friends and tended to get called "lezzo" (insulting name for 'lesbian') at school a lot.

I got into a serious relationship with a guy when I was 18, just starting college. I'd taken a couple of tentative steps towards even thinking about the possibility I wasn't as straight as I had thought I was, but I'm extremely monogamous within a relationship and so all possibilities evaporated. This relationship lasted for twelve years and messed me up in more ways than I can explain right now. It was then, in my thirties and emotionally wrecked, that I a) discovered the joys of oral sex, b) made out with a woman for the first time at a party and c) found myself attracted to various female friends and acquaintances, and realised that perhaps the "straightest woman in the universe" as a lesbian friend had called me once, perhaps wasn't.

Now, here's my question. Where does a 39-year-old woman, living in a foreign country (I'm Australian, but I've lived in Toronto, Canada for four years) and newly accepting of her bisexuality, go for support and/or to meet people? I've tried online, but the only groups suitable for someone like me (who has no "gaydar" to speak of) haven't been updated since last year. I'd like to figure out more about my sexuality and perhaps find a "safe" place to ask questions and exchange stories and the like, without feeling like I'm being trendy or something.

Thanks in advance and hi!

(crossposted to torontoqueers

hey i'm kimberly, not sure if i'v posted to this community before, im fairly new.
Anyways heres the problem..if i can call it that.
I'v known i was bi for a few years now, but at first always kept it to myself as i was majorly confused about the whole thing, but now i know who i am nd its all good in that sense.
One of my best friends is also bi, and always spoke so openly about it. I always thought she was pretty but knew that nothing could happen because she didn't no i was really into girls and she was one of my best friends and we wouldn't want to make things all awkward.
Anyways..one night my friend had a party and we got pretty drunk and ended up kissing, alot! Towards the end of the night though we both had kind of sobered up we didn't stop kissing. I woke up next to her in the morning and it was crazy, i felt extremely awkward but didn't regret it at all. This all happened about a month ago i see her alot when we go out as a group but its almost as if were scared to be alone together again.
It sucks because i miss her as the friend she used to be, but i think i will always want something more, and yes we tried talking about it but it ended in an argument about something completly different. One minuit she'll flirt with me the next she's kissing some guy or whatever...im so confused.
<3 xoxoxo

It's easier to just go with a label than to try and explain myself before I run out of breath and bore someone to death, so... I'm just gonna see if anyone knows of a quick one word label for me, instead of a paragraph-long explanation to always repeat to everyone. Reason I ask is because, whenever it comes up in conversation, I have to explain my sexuality pretty much in this way: "I'm bisexual, but not romantically, only physically. Meaning, I like messing with both sides, but have no emotion for members of my own gender." See how that's too long-winded of an explanation? I'd like it shortened to one or two words or something.

Also, not like this would matter in the label, but here's exactly what I am: Emotionally straight, but sexually (mostly) gay. I feel strongly for women, I always dream of that typical American Dream marriage, wife and kid, white picket fence, you know the drill. When it comes to sexuality though, I find myself only rarely thinking of women (only if there's a woman in particular that is holding my interest). I mainly, 90% of the time, just think of random men. I find that the only way I can really be sexually focused on women is if I have a woman to focus on, while with men, it can be any man, quite literally, random faceless man will appear in my thoughts and get me aroused. I don't really understand it, myself.

I dunno, just felt like talking, seeing if any of us in this community are the same way, or can relate in some way, and generally just asking for some help. Respond as you'd like, negatively or positively, I just want some feedback.

**FINAL EDIT Thu Dec 10 02:15:47 UTC 2009**

So there is the final update... Over the past day we have processed around 11 million jobs out of the 12 million that were in queue at that time. Please bear in mind that over this past day, more jobs for notifications are also created. So while the queue has been dropping, we are still not fully caught up at this point, due to backlog and new jobs. We have roughly 3 million jobs still pending that involve the notification system in some manner. We had hoped we could have fully cleared the queue in a day, but unfortunately we can't clear it too quickly, since we need the rest of the site to operate normally. From our current perspective on the amount of jobs that are left in queue, and how many it has processed thus far, we believe it will take around another 8 - 12 hours to process everything.

And finally some answers to some questions:

( Read More and Get Some Answers... )

freeskiers
While some of us long to escape the cold, dark stretch of winter for hot tropical beaches, for others, there's nothing quite like whoooooshing down those shimmering sugar alps. If you're fond of freestyle skiing, get ready to slide down the slippery slopes in good company. This passionate, international community shares travel/gear tips, anecdotes, photos, and videos for those who can't get enough of the sweet stuff.